I'm working on a new breakthrough around the concept "wrong." So far I've been able to see how it works in relationship to my childhood inability to say what I don't like. If I make something wrong, then I'm justified in not liking it. Ta-Da! That's as far as I've gotten, but I can see it's the core of judgment in my life.
Perhaps it will stir some thoughts in you that you could share, though I have to tell you, this one has been no fun. Everything is showing up "wrong" right now and guess what, "I don't like it!"
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I think I'm the same way--I try really hard to be accepting of everything, and realize that nothing is wrong, its all just different...but I tend to forget that when faced with something I really disagree with. It's easier to make them wrong and me right, to dismiss it and maintain my reality.
ReplyDeleteI think I am at the point of realizing that being wrong or right doesn't matter when it comes to getting what I want, but now I've lost my formula for power, and I have no way of accessing it. Who cares if I'm right or wrong...no one's going to listen to me either way now, they have their own thoughts, and whether they're right or wrong, they'll act on them. (I'm still bugged by this)
ReplyDeleteI've lost the way to get to do what I want. I think the next step is to see that I don't need a reason to be able to do what I want, but I'm not quite there yet...just feeling powerless and frustrated.
Colleen, I think our disaster of not being able to get what we want is tied to abandoning ourselves. Can we "stay" with ourselves when we don't get what we want? What does it mean about us?
ReplyDeleteOh try this! What kind of experience would not being able to get what you want be for a god? Pretty disastrous! Imagine Zeus roaring and waiving his lightening bolt, and it just goes "boop." Not much of a god. [It is Zeus with the lightening bolt, right? Wouldn't want to be "wrong" on a public blog!]
Seems to me that "no power" is the ultimate break with self, and I believe it's possible. I'm thinking my final, absolute proof is the ability to get what I want. But is it really?
haha i love the image of zeus's lighting rod just poofing away. i can totally hear it!
ReplyDeleteOops. Wrong again! I'd like to clarify that last point: I know "no power" is not possible, but in my day-to-day reality, it sure seems like it is.
ReplyDelete